Establishing a gratitude practice is a simple habit that can have huge positive impacts on your life. Drawn from psychological research, Two Minute Evenings outlines a simple approach to use on your own, with a partner, or with a team or family.

Taking just two minutes, it’s a quick and easy reflection that forces your mind to scroll back through the day until you find:

We both grew up sometimes feeling anxious and overwhelmed and have come to need and rely on "hows." Ending up in the happiness industry—Neil publishing ten books and Leslie teaching strategies to let go of the hard and grow the good in schools and families—was a surprise. We think it's because everyone inevitably falls back into negative spirals, and perhaps it's sharing these simple—dead simple, ruthlessly simple-systems that helps get us back on track.

A few years ago, one of these systems was published as a small yellow journal called Two Minute Mornings. It was the morning practice of filling out three research-backed prompts to help prime our brains for positivity each day: "I will let go of...," "I am grateful for ...," and "I will focus on..."

That little journal sold hundreds of thousands of copies, and now we're sharing a bookend system we use at night.

Two Minute Evenings is based on a practice Leslie’s mom learned at camp and taught to Leslie. It's a quick and easy reflection that forces your mind to scroll back through the day until you find a Rose, another Rose, a Thorn, and a Bud-a simple "how" to help us inch closer to that fabled happiness North Star.

It helps that this "how" is supported by a load of scientific research.

So what is Rose, Rose, Thorn, Bud?

A Rose is a gratitude, highlight, or tiny positive from the day. Getting to the meeting late but the boss getting there even later. The fact that he wrote me back. The half hour of silence I got when both kids were napping.

The second Rose is just that: another small win, tiny pleasure, or highlight from the day. How cold the shower was at the end of my run. When our song came on right after I picked you up from work. The feeling of her sleeping on my chest.

Then it's time for a Thorn: something that didn't go well, a moment of suffering, or the hardest part of your day. We need space to vent, process, and be heard to help us move through the emotion. Still not hearing back from the doctor. Texting something snarky to my sister. Falling into a social media hole.

And then, finally, a Bud: something you're looking forward to. Tonight, this weekend, even fifty years from now! Making a stack of pancakes on Saturday. When my dad's surgery finally gets scheduled. Renting a villa in Morocco when I turn a hundred years old.

How do you play?

Alone is fine. Just jot down your Rose, Rose, Thorn, Bud before bed. It feels like wiping a wet shammy over the blackboard of your mind and helps set you up for a good night of sleep.

With a partner, team, or family is great too. You can leave the journal next to your dinner table, send a copy to Grandma to share over the phone, or fill it out with your partner before bed. Use it as simple positive pressure to connect, share, and reflect. Nothing motivates like feeling the magic of connection and compassion.

And what if you forget? Miss a day? It's OK. We all do. The goal here is not to be perfect—it's just to be a little better than before. The important thing is to avoid beating yourself up and start again.

Yes, happiness is a choice. But it's how we get there that matters. With higher-than-ever rates of societal anxiety, depression, and loneliness, these little practices can really stick, because we really do them, because they're really simple.

This practice helps us continue to inch toward happiness.

We hope it does the same for you.

—Neil and Leslie

Why It Works

Rose
Roses are good for us! And the science backs this up. In 2003, the foundational study “Counting Blessings Versus Burdens” from Robert Emmons and Michael McCullough showed that students who wrote down “gratitudes”—versus test groups who wrote down “hassles” or “events”—weren’t just happier but also physically healthier after a ten-week period. Pretty big deal! Then, a 2006 study by Monica Bartlett and David DeSteno, published in Emotion, found that gratitude increased prosocial behavior. What’s prosocial behavior? Well, scientists coined the term to mean the opposite of antisocial behavior. Prosocial behavior means doing things that help others in society, such as sharing, donating, and volunteering. And what have sharing, donating, and volunteering been shown to do? You guessed it: make you happier!

Thorn
Louis Penner and John Dovidio’s 2005 paper in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology is one of many that has shown that listening and providing support when others share negative emotions measurably helps strengthen social bonds, which helps happiness and improves well-being, which is happiness. And a 2006 meta-analysis by Joanne Frattaroli, published in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, shows that writing about emotional experiences, including negative ones, also improves well-being and reduces stress. Think of sharing thorns as helping to crystalize and eject what’s prickling us inside. And one last thing: A 2001 paper by Stephen Lepore, published in the Journal of Behavioral Medicine, helpfully adds that if you’re coping with anything traumatic—and a lot of us are, let’s be honest—sharing negative emotions helps healing. Thorns are good for us, too!

Bud
Finally, the bud! This allows us to finish the game by sharing one thing we’re looking forward to. A 2005 paper from Sonja Lyubormirsky, Kennon Sheldon, and David Schkade called “pursuing Happiness,” published in Review of General Psychology, shows that setting and anticipating future goals and events makes you happier. Buds are good for us! And an earlier 2004 paper by Shelly Gable and Harry Reis shows that sharing positive experiences—and anticipating future events— strengthens personal relationships. Remember: The social side of Rose, Rose, Thorn, Bud is a big part of this. Keep trying to share the game and journal, with a partner, family over dinner, or your sibling on the phone. It really does bring us closer and keep us happier.

There we go: a deep left-brain scratch from a boatload of scientific research that shows us why Two Minute Evenings—a system for recalling and sharing a specific Rose, Rose, Thorn, Bud each day—can help us all live more intentional and happy lives.